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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dixie denning's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
10:45 am
she tokked bout oct
as the rabbit said: I'm late! I'm late! poor pregnant rabbit.

1. dueted with taufik for all of a week for workshop, then was deemed not well-known enough to duet with him on actual stage. ah weeeeell. was fun though=) he's nice!

2. was offered four shows I really wanted to do in jun-aug 2010, two of which would clash exactly with the other two. in the end bopian signed for the two which are actually less of muy preference, because they confirm fast fast, the other two i wanted to hold out for were just taking too long. was actually quite agonising to decide i wanted to strangle myself.

3. went on holiday for my birthday, in chinatown! Subeditor booked us a room in boutique hotel there (verrrry verrrry small room) and we toured chinatown eating rubbish for three days two nights. lots of stuff to eat! not so much to do, which was why we slept alot. which was good.

4. prior to that, also did cheap holiday at $99 at siloso beach resort, where we wandered through sentosa picking flowers, an activity that's only forbidden to us mainlanders. we put flowers in our hair and strolled, and now that we've got that romancey sort of scene over with, have never done it again.

5. led a workshop for lower sec kids IN MANDARIN. wah lau. it's not so much the mandarin i object to actually, it's the bloody kids who are always arguing and meandering off, with factions of the class that hate each other and would never work together. quoth the raven: Nevermore. to all you teachers out there - Respect yo.

6. thanks to friend who could not make it, have been hosting roadshows for nintendo wii in exchange for obscene amounts of theoretical money (i say theoretical cos have not invoiced them yet) HURRAH HURRAH OBSCENE MONEY what shall i do with you. i know, i shall save you in place of all the money i have not got from giving up two end-year shows cos of vocal nodules naaaarrrrgh.

7. had doctor stick camera down my nose and into my throat again. vocal nodules were just a shadow in my throat more than four weeks ago and he said 'they'll be gone soon. just take care.' think can safely say they're gone by now my original voice seems to have returned. taking care COS NOTHING TO DO WHAT NAAAARGH

8. cast with subeditor in show where he will be playing my husband =O actually we're doing a whole lot of stuff together next year.

9. halloween! went as elle driver with blonde wig bought fr online and homemade eyepatch. couldn't find affordable nurse costume so borrowed one from Eneres. it's made of latex, has strategic zips and is very short. i was like 'used? but i've been with you to several halloweens and have never seen you in it before.' she was like 'used, but not for halloween.' i was like HEEYER and she said CAREFUL GOT ZHUP

i am sure she was joking. right? of course.

halloween is kind of different when you're not single.

10. hosted several weddings in both english and mandarin and have actually become quite pleased with my mandarin improvement. Hua Yu cool! thanks A Little Dream!

and now for a nov trailer. COMING UP----EMAILS THAT COULD GET PEOPLE FIRED!
Saturday, October 10th, 2009
12:27 pm
kept the sept.
1. was given a japanese school uniform, complete with red bow. and WORE IT!

2. got to molest naked lim yu beng, claude girardi and my gay friend quite heavily (full on rabba chest and butt with a bit of crotch tickling). it wasn't actually fun though they were very sweaty.

3. was given my first really scathing, personal review on net! waha! not entirely unfair..something to learn from, although the Subeditor was raging furious on my behalf. on the other hand, was balanced by nice one in a paper. strokes and folks.

4. officially celebrated an imaginary anniversary with a bouquet of roses, a card and a greeting of 'happy anniversary' before anything official ever happened. when i asked Subeditor, who was giver of said gifts, 'what exactly is this the anniversary of?' he said he had unilaterally declared that date to be our anniversary because it was a really nice date. I just sort of hemmed and hawed and let it pass cos we weren't actually together but caved some days after and true to form, he just got me another embarassingly big bouquet on the same date this month. I dont' knwo whether we actually have an anniversary cos I can't remember when I got together with him, but have consented to honour 'the anniversary of subeditor giving me flowers.'

5. did show and rehearsal (8 fricking hours of singing a day) through vocal nodules. not a good idea, but could feel them getting better. and they were both great experiences that I would have been very loath to pass up, though I really wish I had been well!

6. cast in same show as Subeditor next year huzzah! that will be two shows we will be doing together, though I'm always cast as like his older sister, or, I think for this show, his nabeh aunt or something. nao hear. HE'S OLDER THAN ME OKAY

7. subeditor says the darndest, most romcom things and I worry cos I'm starting to believe them. yagh. leap of faith!!

8. was dropped from possibly the biggest scale show i've ever been offered cos of nodules probably not healing in time. was pretty beat up about it and was bawling after the call, but am quite happy now...think it was the best for me lah. but it was such a nice experience if only because the cast and directors that I unintentionally bawled in front of were all comforting me. and director gave me a hug and started crying with me about the plight of fellow performers in singapore. incredibly. sweet. director.

9. if all goes well, will be doin another movie. bit part though.

10. played a tranny. hurrah! have developed a respect for them. they are very, very brave.
Friday, September 18th, 2009
5:01 pm
Sunday, September 6th, 2009
9:37 pm
awgh aug aka the Plan
1. incredibly bad laryngitis after working through a cough...couldn't speak.

2. worked through recovering laryngitis. at the end of two weeks of two shows a day, with numbers involving me belting a high E, was diagnosed with vocal nodules, which are calluses on your vocal chords which could permanently affect singing.

have been semi resting since which is the prescribed cure (nothing much else anyone can do)but have not really been able to because am rehearsing for another show which opens in three days. prayed for and am praying for miracles. have had them before.

3. had to drop out of a show because was very sure would not recover in time.

4. had incredibly supportive director who bought me a fricking microphone to use during rehearsals can you imagine, so I could minimise strain on my voice. (didn't matter that the mike the stage manager ended up getting was damn koyak so I didn't want to use it after all cos it would make feedbacky sounds all the time and frighten me) very, very very grateful at the goodness of people in general.

5. sang rock songs including White Stripes at a wedding...thanks to Xinyao and A Little Dream. Thanks so much for your incredible gigs=) they've really gotten me through a lot!

6. met this same someone (let's call him Subeditor) who's been incredibly supportive and really just pretty unbelievable. he's an undercover geek who plays poker, likes sci fi and fantasy, respects the profession, and just sort of fell into my friendly path.

7. was prayed over in person by Subeditor who hasn't been embarassed or afraid to do so for me. I dont' remember ever being prayed over for my health.

8. Didn't think or do much about anything because Subeditor is attached.

9. Was attached.

10. told him a really awful secret and he was very cool with it.

Hmm, now I'm sort of attached.

Go figure=)

Please pray for me...I promise to do the same for you.
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
2:34 am
top of the ten
tell you later this month.
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
10:28 am
Oo My T'was July!
This month, the Slinky came back, which made for incredible amounts of scandalous merriment.

1. for the first time in months, not only got asked out on a date (yes, i am very sad, can?) that is, with people that I would be willing to go out with, but on three, in two weeks.

Next comes the story how all of them bombed.

2. first was with a young foreign banker who is Pokerpal's friend whom I met at an MJ memorial party. See after the Aussie ex I resolved to only go out with Chinese guys, and taller Chinese guys (after the unsuitable crush) but made an exception for this one as I found him quite attractive and smart enough, tho he was one year younger.

That one year younger turned out to be a BIG DEAL.

It was going pretty nicely so far....he was a little anxious to please and not really relaxed and funny enough, but points for researching restaurants for me to choose from, researching what wine to order, and guilelessly fessing up to researching. no mindgames from this one.

then he tells me he has an attention problem, so he doesn't like plays, poker, music, or reading, except The Economist.

Fine, we officially have nothing in common....I will read most things other than the economist. but YOUNG GOODLOOKING BANKER keeps flashing in giant letters in my head so I let the dinner play out.

Then he starts to get interesting.

'Yes, my younger sister is going through an arranged marriage right now. It's both stressful for her and my mom becaues my mom has to scour the different countries for the biodatas of the best Indian-Muslim young men, down to who their dads and grandads were, and invite them down for a matchmaking.'

Me: Oh! how interesting! So your family's Muslim?

He: Yes, of course. Though I'm not very devout.

Me: Oh!

He: How about you? Are you a freethinker?

Me: No, Catholic. I go to church every week.

* short silence *

Me: But it's really interesting hearing about this matchmaking thing. It sounds really stressful.

He: Yes, my sis is stressed as to who to pick, and my Mom really wants to get this right. She wanted to kill herself when my sis had a Chinese boyfriend.

*short silence *

Me: Hahaha!

*short silence*

Me: so it's a good thing you males don't haVe to go through that.

He: * completely offhandedly * aw it will probably be my turn in about two years time.



I steered everything in a very blokey, chummy direction after that. We've agreed to be running buddies since he stays close by and since sitting still (to listen to music, watch a play, read a book) bores him.

3. Date 2 - I don't know whether this was actually a date. Went for a games night with Slinky and Slinky's friend, where her friend's express purpose was to introduce us to geeks since we professed to like them.

That was when I was supposed to be saddled with the rather tragic 'Hong Kong Film Star' which he distantly resembled in the worst possible way. He turned out to be quite a nice guy, but naw zero attraction. Also, in a bid to defend his nongeekiness, he said that one of his hobbies was going to Thai discoes...wow! how ungeeky! how impressive!

The other geek was a TALLER CHINESE MALE who was a banker and honestly not bad looking..let's call him TCM-1. The table got to talking about Monkey Island (because we are all geeks that way) and we all went OMG YES MONKEY ISLAND and you could not shut me up after that...while I may not surpass the slinky in looks or body (NO WAY, especially in body) no female I know shares my dedication to or knowledge of Monkey Island.

TCM-1, who has been sort of tired and blase all night (because he kept losing games) perks up obviously and mid-conversation, suddenly blurts out 'I've always wanted to marry someone who played Monkey Island.'

There is a deafening silence after which Slinky is quick to go 'THERE!' and point at me, because she is unimpressed by TCM-1.

After which we all laugh and I shake hands with TCM-1.

The weekend, he asks me out to two poker games which he is organising and pays half of my buy in when I say it's too expensive. He also gives me his seat, pulls up a seat next to me and eveyrbody else at the table (none of whom I know) eye me weirdly as if I am his girlfriend, and I also think he is acting like that a little, which is completely pre-emptory since I have not even actually really spoken to him yet. I win a lot of money but do not go to the second poker game because I am out doing rubbish with Slinky.

The next week, he asks me to go see Harry Potter with him and his friend. I am out with the MJ-loving Banker so do not reply till I get back when I have to tell him I can't make it cos I'm working. Also, what is the deal with never asking me out by myself??

He does not ask me out since, except to someone else's party where again I know no one else. He takes care to ask my friends as well.

Slinky points me to his facebook status of a few days ago. It's 'Desires to be with Someone who plays Monkey Island.'

I completely and seriously admire the dedication to the glory that is monkey island but KAY THAT'S A BIT WEIRD

I'd still go out with him though if he asked me on a real date. I want to at least find out what he's like when he's not acting all cool and surrounded by friends. After all, he likes monkey island and poker!

4. Date no 3. So anyway, on night that I do not go for TCM-1's second poker party, I am out doing silly things with Slinky and our goodlooking male friend that she calls The Rabbit. We start off at House where I unintentionally get wasted.

anyway, pre-complete-wastage, we are scoping out the crowd and being idiots, when we see this Taller Chinese Male (TCM-2) smiling at us being silly. We smile back and he talks to us and while he's not the handsomest guy in the place, he's pleasant looking and actually turns out to be quite interesting...he gave up a stable career to be a professional tango teacher, so we immediately approve since both of us gave up law. He's funny and silly and invites us to go tango, but we decide to go dance to retro music instead but say we might join him after at a place to which complicated directions are given. After unsuccessfully repeating them a few times, Rabbit goes 'Jo, just get his number so we can call him' and TCM-2 says yes, get my number!

So I do and we dont' join him and go to retro bar where I get more wasted. I say, 'Slinky, I am too wasted to type smses coherently, please tell TCM-2 we're not joining him?'

I pass Slinky the number and Slinky does so. I text him the next day anyway to apologise for not going.

he replies to both of us with exactly the same sms, cept for one addition to Slinky's: 'see you soon.'

Okay, so we know that when he was talking to the two of us it was Slinky he was going for, which is fine. This is confirmed when a few days later he texts Slinky 'Am near house and couldn't help but think of you. Would you be free for coffee next week?' Slinky says yes and i say go, since he seems funny and intelligent, even though Slinky is convinced he is gay.

A few days later, I miss a call from TCM-2. I call back. He says 'I was wondering if you'd like to go for dinner tonight?'

I say 'I'm not sure when I'm done I'll call you back' and IMMEDIATELY CALL SLINKY. we're a bit like...surely he doesnt' mean to ask both of us out? he can't be such a dog? anyway, he might be gay?

she says, go and find out what his intentions are! And I'll meet him in a few days and find out the same! so I go to Eneres house and borrow a top that doesn't look like I just came from rehearsal, and some makeup. i go.

he is funny and interesting, to the point where I actually get stressed and feel like I have to perform, which should nto be the case because he really seems like he might be trying to two-time me and my good friend even though he met us TOGETHER.

He pays for dinner and sends me home and because we've been bitching about a common gripe, he says, aw, we shouldn't end today on a negative note and WAITS, and I have a feeling I'm supposed to offer to kiss him goodnight, but I am weirded out by possible philaderness so I dont' take the cue and just give him a hug instead.

I admit to Slinky that I offered to buy him a drink next time in return for the meal he bought me. We discuss and conclude it was definitely a date.

She meets him three days later for coffee and both have a great time, because she is not pressured to perform as she is sure throughout that he is gay, plus feels zero attraction towards him. We still do not know whether to conclude he is really a Casanova, or maybe extremely friendly.

That was the story of how Slinky and I, with common taste in men and possibly common appeal to men, ended up going out with the same guy.

5. continued. to keep things on the level, Slinky and I both discussed each other during our respective dates with TCM-2, and encouraged him to meet us both when we are clubbing or something, so we could see what he was trying to do.

He takes us up on the offer the same Saturday when we go back to retro-bar with pokerpal n friends. He's slightly wasted already and VERY BRAZEN. He kisses each of us on the cheek, but his preference is obviously for Slinky. whom he BITES at one point of the night while dancing with her, to her horror so she has to run out and smoke. This does not stop him from stroking my legs when I am sitting next to him and telling me he'd like to get me drunk so he can take advantage of me. Pokerpal looks on aghast at the bad form of this fellow male as he can't decide who he's hitting on.

I finally just ask 'hey, you have a thing for my friend Slinky right?' and he says 'God yes.' And I say, okay that clears things up, since you asked both of us out and are flirting with both of us ridiculously now.

He gets a little offended and says 'oh I thought I made it clear when I asked you out that it was just a friendly thing.' and I say no, but that's fine. We jsut didnt' want to think you were actually trying for both of us.

This earns some temporary friendly respite where we just talk quite normally beause he really is quite funny AND THEN HE STARTS TOUCHING MY LEGS AGAIN. I find an excuse to get up.

he puts his arm around both of us while he is walking and goes on in front of both of us about each other's bodies.

we should have been more offended, but Slinky and I were very amused. Pokerpal and friends couldnt' figure out why we put up with it.

Later, he hits on Slinky severely and offers to send her home. I say, go lah, free lift home. And she does, possibly because shes is broke, and also because she is curious about such a strange character, though she still thinks he is gay.

He tries some stuff with her but she says 'it's like flirting with a gay man', blows him off and goes home.

two days later he asks me to go for martinis with him.


i hope that it was because he wanted to introduce me to his eligible guy friends, since I asked about them during our momentary chumminess. perhaps we'll find out next time.

6. The same night was when I did a shocking thing which I will probably not do again. Slinky and I were largely dancing with each other since we were wasted and it was weird to dance with pokerpal and friends and Slinky certainly didnt' want to encourage TCM-2 by dancing with him.

TCM-2 started gay dancing with pokerpal to up the ante.

I stupidly said oh yeah? we'll see you and raise you!

TCM-2 took off his top. (his body was not good) He continued dancing with Pokerpal, to Pokerpal's hetero horror.

Slinky was wearing a tie-back dress and started untying it. I was like uh oh, for two reasons, the girl had a flaming lambhorghini and was not in full possession of her senses, and might actually remove her dress. The second reason: what if she didnt'? we'd lose the dare!

So I checked under my tank and saw that i was wearing a bandeau bra, which is basically like a beige tube. I took off said tank.

I could drunkenly register the looks of shock in the club, but pokerpal and friends cheered and backed me up. Lucky they reassured me that my body was at least an 8. Continued dancing for a few minutes then put top back on.

why did i do that though???? i guess I could never resist a dare and can't stand to disappoint people expecting a show. I shoudl never be allowed to make promises.

7. Perhaps one reason for my brazenness was that I had a nude photoshoot the same day, for the publicity materials of an upcoming play...we were recreating nude statues like Venus, The Kiss, and Stomach. I had to kiss my director's boyfriend and have my kneeling gay friend's face pressed into my stomach just below the boobage, all while we were in nude underwear. it were pretty funny though with my sweet gay friend who was remarking, face in my chest 'okay Jo you go on my book of records as the reminder of why I don't like boobs' and we all went for dinner after.

My dignity felt fine after the photoshoot, but not so fine after the club.

8. pokerpal and all pokerpal's any my common pals, irrespective of whether they were at the club or not, have taken to shouting bandeau! at me whenever they see me.

9. day after that, came down with awful bug. I thougth it was H1N1 but luckily it's not. However I have lost my voice for the first time in years and lawd, I do not think there could be a worse time to lose my voice. Am trying not to talk though.

10. seriously, there's no way I can top 1-7 so I'm not even going to try. Oh I did a racial harmony show where I was the main performer and MM Lee was the guest of honour. So I could have acutally thrown things at him if I wanted as he were in the front row or even on the same stage. Didnt' actually look at him though kind of forgot he was there cos was very sleepy that day.

If you think these are interesting, you should hear Slinky's stories of July. NOTHING BEATS THOSE.

I miss you already Slinky come home soon!

I wish I were well. I will never take well for granted again.
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
1:19 am
hong kong film star
i met the would-be-blind-date-geek (WBBDG) today at a games night organised by JH (which was quite fun).

so JH says WBBDG looks like a hong kong film star.

well i suppose lah.

but you know there are a lot of film stars. there's Tony Leung and then there's Sammo Hung.

then there's anthony wong.

I guess he looks like a Hong Kong film star, yeah.

but aiya, nice guy lah=) can be friends.
Sunday, July 5th, 2009
10:19 pm
it's 10 things for June and none too Soon
The Young Japanese Artist is in SEA!

but he has not contacted me.

i am weeping quietly while typing this entry.

1. erased my entire year's appointments accidentally from my organiser, which means it is going to be this much harder remembering what i did in june.

2. organised a veru last minute Operation Gene Pool ( you may remember it as the valentines day matchmaking thing i do every valentines day, except for this year's v day, as all my regulars are either attached or like, engaged.) for the sensational Slinky who is back in town and quite literally slinkier than ever! this time there was minimal preparation and minimal couples - literally 2 'couples' with pens and paper at a spaghetti place. plus i was one of the four would-be spartan sweethearts, with my pretend date who was my very comely and fun friend of 8 years. so ya basically this was just a big set-up for slinky.

so sorry slinky that i was completely wrong about the suitability of your date. even though he doesn't feel the same way about you =).

but it were extremely fun! it was kind of great to sit back and be part of the festivities for a change, plus not having the stress of finding things to say to your cute date since you've already known him for 8 years.


3. this is the story of how jo can't even get a date who has never seen her face before.
slinky says instead of me trying to set her up (purely to experience ogp as she never has before) we should go on a double date. our mutual friend JH (very close to slinky, not so to me) says he has already found a very willing party, a hot geek guy who looks like a Hong Kong superstar. WAH EXCITED I LIKE GEEKS ESPECIALLY HOT ONES so i say okay.

then like, he keeps not being able to make the dates where slinky and i are available, or at least so we hear from JH who tells slinky who tells me. tired of this, JH eventually just passes me Geek Guy's number to coordinate a meeting with him.

my sms goes, 'HELLO! This is Jo, the girl your friends have been pressuring you to go on a date with! would you like to go on said date involving four people, dinner and drinks on X day at X time?'

his sms a few hours later: 'Sorry man. can't make that day.'

sorry 'man'??

my sms: 'okay. sorry to bug you but what date can you actually make? just because i have to coordinate three other people. hey, and please also tell me if you'd rather not be part of this ya..i won't be offended since it's not like we've met.'

his sms: 'haha. another time.'




4. this is the story continued. JH apologises via slinky saying that Geek Guy changed his mind as he is painfully shy. wtf. i dont' care what the reason was a known geek blew me off twice without having seen my face which makes me a super loser. but nevermind, he says the planned doubel date should still go on, he will introduce a cute lawyer to make it up for my embarassment. Let us give lawyer the alias of Noah.

I check his facebook friends, there are two noahs there but only one with a proper userpic (the other noah is represented by a cartoon) and the userpic is CUTE. abit fair but very charming in his black and white. i am well pleased with Noah Lee.

later, JH sends me a phone number saying that the cute lawyer is mroe than up for it and all i have to do is set a date with Noah Goh.

Noah Goh? not Lee?

Noah Goh, not Lee.

Can I see what he looks like first? Is he on your facebook?

Sure, but he's repersented by a cartoon.


I click the cartoon profile anyway in the hopes of getting more info. It's restricted of course but I can see if we have any mutual friends.

we have lots.

they're all from my year in law school.

Wasn't there a Noah who was my classmate for FOUR YEARS in law school? who er, wasn't cute?

I ask my ex law-schoolers what that Noah's surname is.

It's Goh.

while i didn't call him in the end, of course, dear old Noah Goh with whom i had a distant acquaintance at best for four years had already found out that JH's 'hot lawyer turned actress' was good old me.

much awkwardness.


5. cute friend who's been ambiguously flirting with me confessed that he liked guys.

Miss C gave me a book called Middlesex, where this Chinese girl says how in western countries, Asian girls like her were the last stop for gay men who were clinging on to hopes of heterosexuality, because Asian girls had small breasts and narrow hips, almost like boys.

in Singapore, I am the last stop for gay men.

This is the third gay friend who thought he liked me who turned out to like brad pitt more than i do.

6. i made a tween boy cry during forum theatre - this interactive theatre thing where members of the audience come down and replace some characters to try and make a difference in an otherwise bad situation. i was a bully and he thought he could take me on....i thought the same. we were both wrong.

i didn't hurt him lah but i did upset him.

7. movie that i went to cannes for opened here. very mixed reviews, but one that struck me was Melanie Oliveiro saying on Channel Newsasia that 'the entire cast was wooden an inexperienced.' whoa, fun!

It's a fair observation though...the director got us to try a rather strange performance style. i was given a Bresson movie where 'the director only ever uses non actors and once he uses somebody he never uses them again because they become ACTORS. i want you to watch this and LEARN.'

i think some critics liked it? i personally was confused thorugh the process and just grateful to go to cannes and for a very interesting experience=)

8. went to cambodia and saw the sun rise over the ancient stone stronghold of angkor wat. marked one of the singularly beautiful moments of my life.

9. another was seeing the most beautiful rainbow in my life in the fresh-drizzled sky over Siem reap town. it was long, arcing and clear and ended over Ben's head.

10. Saw Japanese magician cyril takayama up close. he is hot. i think i want him. i think i am obsessed with japanese men.

this has taken too long to type will continue another time.
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
10:45 pm
say it's may continued
7. got offered my first leading part but had to turn it down cos had said yes to kids show all the way back in march ARGH on bright side leading role was annabel chong and did have my doubts.

8. day after said no to that offered something else instead with actor and director i REALLY RESPECT AND WHICH I CAN MAKE SO VERY HAPPY YAY

9. played jackpot! owee! won 2 ringgit on my very first try in my life, then went on to lose 9 ringgit. gave up.

10. was asked some very strange questions by my lesbian friend's gf. was i straight or crooked? because i looked crooked. straight? was i sure? have i ever had a crush on a girl? what did i mean, i ddint' know? had i? in school i did? then i was definitely crooked. was she making me uncomfortable? how did i feel about a woman's body?

it was really kind of weird and i didn't know how to read it. she's a very nice person really.
5:41 pm
Say about May
1. made it to AWARE EGM after all because my director cancelled rehearsals...i suspect expressly for that purpose. It was a strangely upsetting experience for me, despite the outcome. i cheered and jeered and celebrated with the rest of them, but some of the sheer mob brutality hit me when one lesbian woman of about 40 in front of me shouted at josie's crew, 'Pray lah!! pray!!! Maybe your God will save you!'

I was disturbed then, but only now, typing it, do I see how reminiscent of Biblical persecution that sentence is.

i think sometimes people claim to understand that the AWARE issue wasn't necessarily Christian vs Homosexual conflict, but they don't really. I'm not all proud of how my side behaved. there was a strange taste in my mouth.

Didn't help that I got there later than expected so I asked my friend to queue up first and keep a place for me. joined her in the by then very long queue and was threatened by an obviously Christian lady who had been talking disgutedly to her friend about the undesirabilities of Anal sex and that it should be stopped. She kept telling me to go to the back of the queue and I refused, saying my friend kept a place for me, though to be honest, I completely understand her logic, but I really didnt' want to risk getting in late for the meeting (though it started late anyway) and also I didnt' liek the way she was talking to me...was it because she was for the other camp? Idunno. She started threatening to cause trouble for me and throughout the 30-minute queue session, she constantly shouted very loudly to people, pointing at me 'hey, hey, this lady cut queue! Send her to the back of the queue! Send her right back! Now!'

She was the one that looked crazy but I was secretly pretty traumatised.

Later that day, when coming out of the cinema, was shouted at by a guy who said I didn't say thank you to him for holding the door open for me.

Me: *turns around* Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I said thank you. (very cautious by now)

Guy: (angrily) I didn't hear it clearly. It was more like a mumble.

Me: So sorry about that.

Guy: Aaaaahh. *waves me off and walks away*

Me: (to my friend) we both said thank you right? Did you? Was he upset that we didn't say it loud enough?

Idunno...that whole day was a day of people loudly and accusingly stating their convictions and opinions but not necessarily in a productive way. It made me quite surprised and frightened at the human race.

But I suppose for the whole homoesexuality issue, some frisson is needed before any change can be made. So I am glad people were vocal.

All the same, there are things to be vocal about. Sometimes the things that were said were really uncalled for.

2. OMG. I knew the Little Nyonya thing I did was bad, but I didn't think the show would get slammed quite so mercilessly in all the papers. Fair enough lah, except that the whole of the press was taking turns paper by paper to say that 'the whole cast lip synched.' And for two of the papers, my picture was directly above said caption. Hel-fricking-lo. Our mikes were so shit couldn't you hear all the breathing and popping during the song? Just because five mediacorp artists cannto sing doesn't mean all of us couldn't, and I seriously thought it was a pretty gross defamation to say that I lip synched, which I have not done in my life.

It was worse for my two co-actors who are project superstar winners...they are profesional singers, and you put a caption under their face saying they lip-synched? that is really low, sensationalist and irresponsible reporting when a notion that could be so easily verified, or at least balanced by questions to us(none of the papers cited any grounds for saying that everyone lip synched except for The New Paper, which quoted its fellow paper Wanbao as an authority. WTF).

But then again, what with names being completely confused (my colleague was said to be TV actor Marcus Chin when he's er, completely not...the journalist apologised and said "somebody had said he was" (FINE REPORTING METHODS, DEAR JOURNALIST)and the whole recent debacle where journalists had interviewed my friends about some Mediacorp debacle and then quoted them on the paper when they said they would only give quotes if their names weren't disclosed (leading to their blacklisting by mcorp i'm sure) I have a really shite opinion of a Sertain Press Hegemon.

3. went with my strange indie film to the cannes film festival. lived in a pretty house on La Croisette from which I could walk to all the screenings. got up early and entered my name with other actors and waited for invites to the red carpet screenings of movie premieres, complete with couture and international stars. Took a photograph with Rinko Kikuchi. got burnt by the Cote D'azur sun. went to beautiful green islands. wandered remote cathedrals and unassuming buildings built in 700 BC.

4. Met a beautiful young Japanese artist and fell in love with him. Had dinner in Nice together the next day after roaming its beach, hills and old towns. Flew off on our respective flights again the next day. added him on facebook where his status was 'in a relationship'.

5. Arrived back in SG, and a few days later Went to Genting to back up the Broadway Beng in a gig because one of his Chiobus couldn't make it. Rehearsals were super fricking rushed and stressful, but we were treated like fricking queens there. we had a mealcard for $100 ringgit a day at any of the five million restuarants in the five hotels in Genting which I tell you. cannto be used up. we had abalone and fish and french dessert and ate till we were going to die everyday and still couldn't use it up. I meandered round the hills by myself and it really is a pretty place, even if most of it is touristified.

The shwo (on my part) could have been much better but it was alright. THey coached us up first class, housed us first class and it was just one hell of an experience which I only earned by merit of having a really nice understudy which allowed me to be free when one Chiobu wasn't.

6. Came back to discover my fellow castmates who had been performing with my understudy the week I was gone were very upset with me. According to a good friend of mine, very very upset with me, and disappointed, because they thought I had no sense of responsibility to them, even though they had ostensibly agreed before the trip to my understudy taking over those dates.

I'm very grateful they worked around me to let me go to both these things. I really know where they're coming from and sent a long apology email..I hope they believe I'm sorry. In my own defence, I did everything I could to make sure there was minimal inconveniene including paying, printing and copying materials for, and rehearsing my understudy myself. I'm sorry they were disappointed because I really like all of them.

Looking back though, I don't know if I could have said 'I won't go then'.

Especially to Cannes.

TBC..have to run off to 730pm thing.
Friday, May 29th, 2009
7:30 pm
Just for Fun
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on. Try not to repeat a song title.

Pick your artist: Sting

Are you male or female: Fine Knacks for Ladies

Describe yourself: Englishman in New York

How do you feel about yourself: Tomorrow We'll See

Describe where you currently live: Big Lie, Small World

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Fields of Gold

Your favorite form of transportation: Stolen Car (take me Dancing)

Your best friend is: Perfect Love...Gone Wrong

Your favorite color is: Desert Rose

What’s the weather like: After the Rain has Fallen

Favorite time of day: When we Dance

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Ghost Story

What is life to you: A Thousand Years

What is the best advice you have to give: Fill Her Up

If you could change your name, what would it be: Roxanne

Your favorite food is: Russians

Thought for the day: De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da

How you would like to die: If I ever lose my faith in you

Your soul’s present condition: Fragile
Friday, May 1st, 2009
1:10 am
unstable in april
1. made one of the hardest choices of my life, between a being flown to the Cannes Film Festival, or staying in Singapore as promised to do a kids show coming up in three weeks.

I talked to a few friends, several of whom asked, 'which would you regret more?' and i still don't know if I made the right choice to stay. but i would be stressing out too many people i like otherwise.

2. To my face, was called the following things, in succession, by TCS actress ann k*k


Two weeks never pangsai

I don't think she means any harm, but she sincerely thinks my stomach is damn big for my size (which i guess it can be) and is pretty curious (and rude) about it. I really just stared at her openmouthed as she said these things, but am also now very self-conscious. wah liew!

3. after presscon and with release date scheduled, am officially female lead in a movie...so exciting. but really have no idea how it will turn out as is very arthouse and was quite confusing to shoot. and is not the pretty kind of female lead lah. wait with bated breath.

4. got humiliated two sundays in a row with two different auditions involving incredibly complex dance pieces. the standard is getting higher and higher and i dunno if i can ever get there!

5. am involved in a little nyonya thing which is making me very frustrated, but is getting me the msot excitement from my family cos it's part of the amazing 'little nyonya' franchise. somehow we never quite agree on things to be proud of me for.

6. finally played a hyper-submissive girlfriend who kena scolded by audience member 'i want to slap her till she comes to her senses'.

7. sweated buckets beneath a fat suit and green face paint as Big Mama Frog. and KENA WATCHED BY MY FAVOURITE LAWYER'S WIFE AND SON, of all people. mfl called me saying his wife told him i'd been bouncing around with giant fake boobs frightening little children. yes, my favourite lawyer, this is what i quit law for!

8. took publicity foto as obiang tourist, complete with track suit and tour cap, only to hear the very same day that show was going to be postponed to distant date. oh well twere fun.

9. became addicted to Scramble on Facebook and average two hours a day playing it.

10. was asked by my eyebrow plucking person if i'd like her to pluck my chin as well. i was like WTF WHAT'S ON MY CHIN? for the record, i would like to state categorily that i do not have a hairy chin. i actually do think she offers this extra service to everybody, not knowing she is NOT ALLOWED TO OFFER THEM TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A HAIRY CHIN.

aware egm today...victory of a sort with a strange aftertaste.
Saturday, April 11th, 2009
12:16 am
i am terrible at using facebook so i shall be tagged here instead
1. Do you like blue cheese?
I don't think I've tried it.

2. Have you ever smoked?
Yes, twice when I was 18 or 19. I couldn't inhale without dying so I gave up and now I don't like smoke though I often like smokers.

3. Do you own a gun?

4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite?
Grape Kool-Aid because I read about it in Judy Blume books. I doubt I would like it if I tried it. it's like reading about mince pie in Enid Blyton and then finding out when you're 20 that it's actually full of fruit and not meat mash.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
I'm very shortsighted about the future. I don't even really get nervous at the dentist's until I'm in the chair and the light glinting off the sharp metal things is shining in my eyes.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I don't really. I don't eat meat anymore. Though I used to eat sausages a lot because I can't cook and you could just throw them in the kettle and boil them edible.

7.Favorite Christmas movie?
I can't remember any except maybe Elf (which I liked you know!). Harry Potter movies? there are alot of Christmas scenes in those movies with food and wizards in the Hogwarts hall.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water. I'm not very big on sweet beverages except Horlicks.

9. Can you do push ups?
Yes! Ask the Wizard of Oz male ensemble! I kick their lardasses!

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
A $5 ring which I bwoke. baw. actually i have lots of favourites and too much costume jewellery.

11. Favorite hobby?
I don't know if I have a hobby. Reading a good book? Leisurely runs until some trainer told me it was making me flat footed.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
Do you know what my job is?

13. What's one trait you dislike about yourself?
My temper which can result in meanness and my lack of regard for public image.

14. Middle names

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment
Did she call me bah-bah???
I should really practice my dance and memorise my lines.
What am I doing?

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water and soya bean milk. Occasional juice.

17. Current worry?
I dont' know. I have a perpetual one about never getting together with someone but I'm actually getting quite pleasantly used to singlehood.

18. Current hate right now?

19. Favorite place to be?
Maybe East Coast. Places with good friends that I can count on.

20. How did you bring in the new year?
With Winds and Ben and friends in a pal's place near Woodlands where we could actually see lights from the Malaysian countdown!

21. Where would you like to go?

22. Name three people who will complete this?
Winds, Tammy, Carol.

23. Do you own slippers?
Do you like breathing?

24 What shirt are you wearing?
An ACS barker sleeveless training tee from my favourite barker boy of all time Anton. I think I borrowed it from him to go for a run with he and Jared after one New Year or Christmas sleepover, when they decided I suited it and gifted me with it. I once told my ex over the phone that I was wearing a boy's school T shirt because I thought he would find it hot, but he went 'why the heck would I want to know that?' and told Anton about it.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Ah? I would be too scared to mess them up.

26. Can you whistle?
Yes, two ways! Both inhaling and exhaling.

27. Favorite colour?
Turquoise maybe or aquamarine. Very azure.

28. Would you be a pirate?
I don't think I could stand the scurvy, and also I get seasick.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Anything I'm thinking of.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
Something semi-hippie and evocative, but not too ditz like Shiny. Or something Rock-chickish.

31. Favorite boy's name?
Maybe Shane.

32. What's in your pocket right now?
nuffin. girls dont' put things in no pockets.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
My friends saying TCS actors kept their skin so smooth by wiped their faces with foetuses, and then acting it out complete with foetal crying sounds.

39. Do you have any pets?
No but I miss Chong Chong and really wish I treated him better.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
I guess so, but I think it's an old crush which has never amounted to (and will never amount to) anything.

41. Your favorite book?
I love books. Maybe Peter Pan. or Ender's Game. or Guards, Guards! or Harts Hope. or maybe a few from every genre.

42. Do you collect anything?
I love things, I'm like a magpie. But I break and lose everything so I've given up this collecting business.

43. Favorite Sports Team?
I'm not interested in sports unless I'm playing.

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Idunno. Something people would think of as my song, which would make them think of what I meant to them. I don't even have to really like the song myself, because I generally like only jazz and that's a bit salah at funerals.
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
11:19 pm
oh you want to know where i've gone hmmm?
Monday, March 30th, 2009
9:08 pm
march ado about.
1. wore a fat suit.

2. went out with much-older music guy (not that much younger than my mom) who is increasingly slimy. has been like almost a year so forgot how slimy he is. but he gave me a ticket for what he says are the vip seats to Winter's Tale and the afterparty with Ethan Hawke, so hello i just went - but i swear this is the last time. he doesn't know the first thing about theatre, or much except for maybe remixing, and says the most uninformed and condescending things. didn't go to afterparty in the end cos i thought i wouldn't be able to get through another hour with him.

3. i think i was pmsing so i told off a co-actor for not knowing lines and harmonies 3.5 weeks into rehearsal. i've never actually done that before...the most i've done was been very snide. i suppose she is very busy, but idunno i think just know too many people who are much busier and maybe they're more talented, but they've never let being crazy busy stop them from hitting the basic level of performance, like knowing their fricking lines.

she is otherwise a very nice person and I said I was sorry but I don't know if I am. I kind of really think there's no excuse.

4. OMG. did an improv show in Chinese.

it wasn't terrible, but ya.

5. got hired to punk Xiaxue on her webcast show, for April Fools. basically i was to pose as a chow on interviewee (a life coach) that she could take the piss out of, but once the cameras 'stopped rolling' *wink wink* i was to turn into a very sincere but very insulting person who, being cruel to be kind, tells her how hopeless she is. I was to say things like:

Actually I thought I was meeting this blogger called dawn yang. Cos they told me I was meeting a famous and pretty blogger. Hey she’s really very pretty ah. (she has had quite a massive public catfight + lawsuit with dawn)

Honestly, you’re not really my clientele. Because I don’t really think I can help you. I mean I heard you had plastic surgery and I don’t think that helped very much. I mean you know right I got a shock when I saw you! You still don’t look anything like your photoshopped pictures!

Hey just a question: are you going out with a white guy because you know they have less demanding standards of Chinese women? I mean, most local guys don’t find you attractive right?

I tried it out and Windson and both of us thought I was going to get beaten up before the directors could get to me, so I was panicking for a few days, but it passed pretty peacefully. i think it's out on April Fool's but I'm not sure.

6. ended the run of controversial and troubling musical- OMG my wig fell off onstage mid dance but lucky not my fault, and I managed to pick it up closer to the end of the dance as well. i have to say though that i pretty much love everybody in there. one of them is going to the west end YAY!!!!!!!!

7. A lot of us got so drunk that we were doing drag queen lip-synches to Dreamgirls songs in the mirror. as in, the full 6 minute song, with utmost dedication throughout. and with impromptu choreography. somewhere on the interweb there is a very very embarassing youtube video i think.

8. had nice drinks with Rider and his ex. am now completely okay with Rider and friend who got involved with him (let's call her Winona). but still wouldn't want to go out with them together. i did actually think it was very insensitive for them to have come together to supposedly support me in my controversial musical, like a week after I started talking to them. Told rider so and he apologised so okay lah.

9. OMG rider is doing a gay show and his (actually straight) partner in the show picked up Winona at a party shortly after also picking up my friend. Then yesterday I met him and I think he tried to pick me up, or at least Rider (who was there) thinks so. He are a slut! I didn't really reciprocate because he actually looks quite different from how I thought he did, and good grief talk about incest.

10. subbed the vocalist at indochine for one night when, apparently for the first time in the history of indochine, the sound system completely fried out.

i think the next two months are going to be pretty interesting.

God help me!
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
11:50 pm
Hocking discounted tickets to selling-out play Importance of Being Earnest
Hi all,

as my friend for whom I purchased these tickets is now unable to make the show, I'm hocking her tickets at the 20% discounted price I managed to get them for.

They are 3 Cat 3 tickets with very good Cat 3 seats (as I purchased early)- Circle 1, DD 5-7. (Circle 1 is really good seats in the Drama Centre and I got my own Cat 2 tickets for Circle 1 instead of stalls=)

Date: Sun 29 Mar

Time: 3pm

Venue: Drama Centre, 3rd flr of National Library

Original price is $52 each (inc sistic surcharge) but I'm selling for $42 each.

Also very convenient to collect...will leave them at the door for you so you can pick them at the theatre 10 minutes before you head in to watch the show.

Leave me a comment here and will respond to you by the evening of your comment!

Thanks much,

Monday, March 16th, 2009
12:04 am
i'm giving up artificially-added sugars for the rest of Lent, ie till 11 april.

please help me keep to this! i'm going to need it!

Friday, March 6th, 2009
3:17 pm
blebbing about feb
this is late yes.

1. rehearsed my first onstage sex scene with one of the most unimaginable people. it got taken out of the final show, which is probably good because i was a little uncomfortable. but must really get my head around these things and be more comfortable with my body.

2. have never been shouted at so much or quite literally pushed around so much by a co actor in my life. got seriously, seriously upset, but learnt alot from this person too.

3. went for a dance class where they retaught us to do forward rolls. hahaha!!! it was fun. havent' done a forward roll in years. abit of a strange dance class though.

4. valentines day. my first vday in quite awhile without an operation gene pool. hung out with gene pool alumnus Miss C anyway and ALSO with the most embarassing possible male to spend Valentines day with. The embarassingness-level of That Tuy is such that when i told two people that they shoudl stop asking who I was out with because it's really embarassing they immediately replied 'hahaha please lah, not like it's That Guy right?'

That Guy also accidentally asked me out for Vday (That Guy on facebook chat: hey havent' seen you in ages! let's hang out soon. how about maybe next saturday? jo: *is in embarassed agonies as to whether to politely remind That Guy that next Sat is Vday, or worse, whether That Guy already knew*) but while we never really addressed the topic, decided that he really just forgot.

However, ended up running into him on Vday anyway while out with Miss C and he signed us into a crowded club so yay!

Thank you Miss C!

5. also got a rose on valentines day. so sweet! my first flower acknowledging my femaleness in some time. it were from a savvy business owner who personally came out and suavely gave roses one by one to all his female customers. smart ah.

6. oh i filmed a bit part with childhood idols zoe tay and fann wong. somehow the glamour is gone. not least because the tv people really treat you like crap compared to them. the wardrobe woman not only forgot to pick out my costume, making me late, but when i gave her my measurements (which she should already have had) she barked at me 'your waistline is WHAT? AIYOH!' kanina.

also they kept me back for three hours later than the latest leaving time i had specified weeks earlier. i dunno whether i struck my childhood idols as diva because i stuck up for myself and said no I have to leave, as well as telling the AD off for keeping me in an airless holding room for around for 2 hours when they were waiting to replace some faulty machinery and I could have been doing other things, because they just didn't bother to tell us non-zoes that there was even something wrong until I came out after 2 hours to ask if it was my turn yet. but I dont' care, you just don't treat people like that, in whatever line of work. and after that I waited for another two hours to do anything even though they knew I had to go, because they wanted to do Zoe and Fann's scenes first, even though they didn't. nabeh.

i actually piss off a lot of directors.

7. had 2 rather sheltered friends walk out on a very explicit play i was doing. oh dear. has never happened before, but can i say that at the same time i am very grateful for the chance to have stepped out of my comfort zone.

8. made up with the Rider after almost four months of no contact. but won't make the same mistake again if i can help it.

9. was as good as promised the lead in a really cool play, then got it taken away from me on the last day and given to someone who would probably have been better for the role, to be honest. which would have been okay, except in lieu of said lead role was offered ensemble part in another show, which would still have been okay, except the lead actress i was supporting was somebody i was still having problems forgiving because of some common man problems. NOT OKAY. SALT ON WOUND. KNIFE TWISING. was quite rude to casting person who called me.

but after talking to miss Eneres, sorted out thoughts and decided i have to move on, esp since she's really been trying to bridge the gap. have been working on rebuilding the friendship since. it may never be quite the same but we'll see.

10 wear midriff onstage. omfg. it's been maybe seven years since i've done that and trust me, my body is not the same.


sometimes i still wake up and go, what the hell am i doing with my life?
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
12:38 am
Thanks Serene, for sorting me out today.

Things were going to have to come to a head sooner or later I guess. no point bearing grudges.

I have also been asked by my friend Jolene to spread this url around:

"As some of you already know, my beloved god daughter, Charmaine Lim has been diagnosed with neuroblastoma cancer. She is only 3+ years old.

I've set up a weblog for her:

Please help by spreading the url to people u know. Do inform me if you intend to make a donation. If not, please take a little time to help by clicking on the nuffnang ads as all proceeds would go to Charmaine's cancer funds. Those with my personal blog url, pls help to click on the ads there too.

I will be setting up an a/c for Charmaine soon. In the meantime, pls let me know if you are interesting in helping Charmaine in other ways.

Thank you very much.


more and more prayers are needed these days. I pray we have enough!
Thursday, February 19th, 2009
12:36 pm
. What is your name: Jo

2. A four-letter word: Jerk

3. A boy's name: John

4. A girl's name: Jamie

5. An occupation: Jockey

6. A color: Jasper

7. Something you'll wear: Jumper

9. A food: Japanese Curry

10. Something found in the bathroom: Jif

11. A place: Johor

12. A reason for being late: Just not trying

13. Something you'd shout: Jialat!

14. A movie title: Jumper

15. Something you drink: Joy Juice

16. A musical group: Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

17. An animal: Jaguar

18. A street name: Jalan Kayu

19. A type of car: Jaguar

20. The title of a song: Just the Two of Us
[ << Previous 20 ]
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