Oo My T'was July!
This month, the Slinky came back, which made for incredible amounts of scandalous merriment.
1. for the first time in months, not only got asked out on a date (yes, i am very sad, can?) that is, with people that I would be willing to go out with, but on three, in two weeks.
Next comes the story how all of them bombed.
2. first was with a young foreign banker who is Pokerpal's friend whom I met at an MJ memorial party. See after the Aussie ex I resolved to only go out with Chinese guys, and taller Chinese guys (after the unsuitable crush) but made an exception for this one as I found him quite attractive and smart enough, tho he was one year younger.
That one year younger turned out to be a BIG DEAL.
It was going pretty nicely so far....he was a little anxious to please and not really relaxed and funny enough, but points for researching restaurants for me to choose from, researching what wine to order, and guilelessly fessing up to researching. no mindgames from this one.
then he tells me he has an attention problem, so he doesn't like plays, poker, music, or reading, except The Economist.
Fine, we officially have nothing in common....I will read most things other than the economist. but YOUNG GOODLOOKING BANKER keeps flashing in giant letters in my head so I let the dinner play out.
Then he starts to get interesting.
'Yes, my younger sister is going through an arranged marriage right now. It's both stressful for her and my mom becaues my mom has to scour the different countries for the biodatas of the best Indian-Muslim young men, down to who their dads and grandads were, and invite them down for a matchmaking.'
Me: Oh! how interesting! So your family's Muslim?
He: Yes, of course. Though I'm not very devout.
He: How about you? Are you a freethinker?
Me: No, Catholic. I go to church every week.
* short silence *
Me: But it's really interesting hearing about this matchmaking thing. It sounds really stressful.
He: Yes, my sis is stressed as to who to pick, and my Mom really wants to get this right. She wanted to kill herself when my sis had a Chinese boyfriend.
*short silence *
Me: so it's a good thing you males don't haVe to go through that.
He: * completely offhandedly * aw it will probably be my turn in about two years time.
Me: OH I SEE.
WTF DID YOU ASK ME OUT FOR?
I steered everything in a very blokey, chummy direction after that. We've agreed to be running buddies since he stays close by and since sitting still (to listen to music, watch a play, read a book) bores him.
3. Date 2 - I don't know whether this was actually a date. Went for a games night with Slinky and Slinky's friend, where her friend's express purpose was to introduce us to geeks since we professed to like them.
That was when I was supposed to be saddled with the rather tragic 'Hong Kong Film Star' which he distantly resembled in the worst possible way. He turned out to be quite a nice guy, but naw zero attraction. Also, in a bid to defend his nongeekiness, he said that one of his hobbies was going to Thai discoes...wow! how ungeeky! how impressive!
The other geek was a TALLER CHINESE MALE who was a banker and honestly not bad looking..let's call him TCM-1. The table got to talking about Monkey Island (because we are all geeks that way) and we all went OMG YES MONKEY ISLAND and you could not shut me up after that...while I may not surpass the slinky in looks or body (NO WAY, especially in body) no female I know shares my dedication to or knowledge of Monkey Island.
TCM-1, who has been sort of tired and blase all night (because he kept losing games) perks up obviously and mid-conversation, suddenly blurts out 'I've always wanted to marry someone who played Monkey Island.'
There is a deafening silence after which Slinky is quick to go 'THERE!' and point at me, because she is unimpressed by TCM-1.
After which we all laugh and I shake hands with TCM-1.
The weekend, he asks me out to two poker games which he is organising and pays half of my buy in when I say it's too expensive. He also gives me his seat, pulls up a seat next to me and eveyrbody else at the table (none of whom I know) eye me weirdly as if I am his girlfriend, and I also think he is acting like that a little, which is completely pre-emptory since I have not even actually really spoken to him yet. I win a lot of money but do not go to the second poker game because I am out doing rubbish with Slinky.
The next week, he asks me to go see Harry Potter with him and his friend. I am out with the MJ-loving Banker so do not reply till I get back when I have to tell him I can't make it cos I'm working. Also, what is the deal with never asking me out by myself??
He does not ask me out since, except to someone else's party where again I know no one else. He takes care to ask my friends as well.
Slinky points me to his facebook status of a few days ago. It's 'Desires to be with Someone who plays Monkey Island.'
I completely and seriously admire the dedication to the glory that is monkey island but KAY THAT'S A BIT WEIRD
I'd still go out with him though if he asked me on a real date. I want to at least find out what he's like when he's not acting all cool and surrounded by friends. After all, he likes monkey island and poker!
4. Date no 3. So anyway, on night that I do not go for TCM-1's second poker party, I am out doing silly things with Slinky and our goodlooking male friend that she calls The Rabbit. We start off at House where I unintentionally get wasted.
anyway, pre-complete-wastage, we are scoping out the crowd and being idiots, when we see this Taller Chinese Male (TCM-2) smiling at us being silly. We smile back and he talks to us and while he's not the handsomest guy in the place, he's pleasant looking and actually turns out to be quite interesting...he gave up a stable career to be a professional tango teacher, so we immediately approve since both of us gave up law. He's funny and silly and invites us to go tango, but we decide to go dance to retro music instead but say we might join him after at a place to which complicated directions are given. After unsuccessfully repeating them a few times, Rabbit goes 'Jo, just get his number so we can call him' and TCM-2 says yes, get my number!
So I do and we dont' join him and go to retro bar where I get more wasted. I say, 'Slinky, I am too wasted to type smses coherently, please tell TCM-2 we're not joining him?'
I pass Slinky the number and Slinky does so. I text him the next day anyway to apologise for not going.
he replies to both of us with exactly the same sms, cept for one addition to Slinky's: 'see you soon.'
Okay, so we know that when he was talking to the two of us it was Slinky he was going for, which is fine. This is confirmed when a few days later he texts Slinky 'Am near house and couldn't help but think of you. Would you be free for coffee next week?' Slinky says yes and i say go, since he seems funny and intelligent, even though Slinky is convinced he is gay.
A few days later, I miss a call from TCM-2. I call back. He says 'I was wondering if you'd like to go for dinner tonight?'
I say 'I'm not sure when I'm done I'll call you back' and IMMEDIATELY CALL SLINKY. we're a bit like...surely he doesnt' mean to ask both of us out? he can't be such a dog? anyway, he might be gay?
she says, go and find out what his intentions are! And I'll meet him in a few days and find out the same! so I go to Eneres house and borrow a top that doesn't look like I just came from rehearsal, and some makeup. i go.
he is funny and interesting, to the point where I actually get stressed and feel like I have to perform, which should nto be the case because he really seems like he might be trying to two-time me and my good friend even though he met us TOGETHER.
He pays for dinner and sends me home and because we've been bitching about a common gripe, he says, aw, we shouldn't end today on a negative note and WAITS, and I have a feeling I'm supposed to offer to kiss him goodnight, but I am weirded out by possible philaderness so I dont' take the cue and just give him a hug instead.
I admit to Slinky that I offered to buy him a drink next time in return for the meal he bought me. We discuss and conclude it was definitely a date.
She meets him three days later for coffee and both have a great time, because she is not pressured to perform as she is sure throughout that he is gay, plus feels zero attraction towards him. We still do not know whether to conclude he is really a Casanova, or maybe extremely friendly.
That was the story of how Slinky and I, with common taste in men and possibly common appeal to men, ended up going out with the same guy.
5. continued. to keep things on the level, Slinky and I both discussed each other during our respective dates with TCM-2, and encouraged him to meet us both when we are clubbing or something, so we could see what he was trying to do.
He takes us up on the offer the same Saturday when we go back to retro-bar with pokerpal n friends. He's slightly wasted already and VERY BRAZEN. He kisses each of us on the cheek, but his preference is obviously for Slinky. whom he BITES at one point of the night while dancing with her, to her horror so she has to run out and smoke. This does not stop him from stroking my legs when I am sitting next to him and telling me he'd like to get me drunk so he can take advantage of me. Pokerpal looks on aghast at the bad form of this fellow male as he can't decide who he's hitting on.
I finally just ask 'hey, you have a thing for my friend Slinky right?' and he says 'God yes.' And I say, okay that clears things up, since you asked both of us out and are flirting with both of us ridiculously now.
He gets a little offended and says 'oh I thought I made it clear when I asked you out that it was just a friendly thing.' and I say no, but that's fine. We jsut didnt' want to think you were actually trying for both of us.
This earns some temporary friendly respite where we just talk quite normally beause he really is quite funny AND THEN HE STARTS TOUCHING MY LEGS AGAIN. I find an excuse to get up.
he puts his arm around both of us while he is walking and goes on in front of both of us about each other's bodies.
we should have been more offended, but Slinky and I were very amused. Pokerpal and friends couldnt' figure out why we put up with it.
Later, he hits on Slinky severely and offers to send her home. I say, go lah, free lift home. And she does, possibly because shes is broke, and also because she is curious about such a strange character, though she still thinks he is gay.
He tries some stuff with her but she says 'it's like flirting with a gay man', blows him off and goes home.
two days later he asks me to go for martinis with him.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???
i hope that it was because he wanted to introduce me to his eligible guy friends, since I asked about them during our momentary chumminess. perhaps we'll find out next time.
6. The same night was when I did a shocking thing which I will probably not do again. Slinky and I were largely dancing with each other since we were wasted and it was weird to dance with pokerpal and friends and Slinky certainly didnt' want to encourage TCM-2 by dancing with him.
TCM-2 started gay dancing with pokerpal to up the ante.
I stupidly said oh yeah? we'll see you and raise you!
TCM-2 took off his top. (his body was not good) He continued dancing with Pokerpal, to Pokerpal's hetero horror.
Slinky was wearing a tie-back dress and started untying it. I was like uh oh, for two reasons, the girl had a flaming lambhorghini and was not in full possession of her senses, and might actually remove her dress. The second reason: what if she didnt'? we'd lose the dare!
So I checked under my tank and saw that i was wearing a bandeau bra, which is basically like a beige tube. I took off said tank.
I could drunkenly register the looks of shock in the club, but pokerpal and friends cheered and backed me up. Lucky they reassured me that my body was at least an 8. Continued dancing for a few minutes then put top back on.
why did i do that though???? i guess I could never resist a dare and can't stand to disappoint people expecting a show. I shoudl never be allowed to make promises.
7. Perhaps one reason for my brazenness was that I had a nude photoshoot the same day, for the publicity materials of an upcoming play...we were recreating nude statues like Venus, The Kiss, and Stomach. I had to kiss my director's boyfriend and have my kneeling gay friend's face pressed into my stomach just below the boobage, all while we were in nude underwear. it were pretty funny though with my sweet gay friend who was remarking, face in my chest 'okay Jo you go on my book of records as the reminder of why I don't like boobs' and we all went for dinner after.
My dignity felt fine after the photoshoot, but not so fine after the club.
8. pokerpal and all pokerpal's any my common pals, irrespective of whether they were at the club or not, have taken to shouting bandeau! at me whenever they see me.
9. day after that, came down with awful bug. I thougth it was H1N1 but luckily it's not. However I have lost my voice for the first time in years and lawd, I do not think there could be a worse time to lose my voice. Am trying not to talk though.
10. seriously, there's no way I can top 1-7 so I'm not even going to try. Oh I did a racial harmony show where I was the main performer and MM Lee was the guest of honour. So I could have acutally thrown things at him if I wanted as he were in the front row or even on the same stage. Didnt' actually look at him though kind of forgot he was there cos was very sleepy that day.
If you think these are interesting, you should hear Slinky's stories of July. NOTHING BEATS THOSE.
I miss you already Slinky come home soon!
I wish I were well. I will never take well for granted again.