i'm that girl

Taken from slinky's beautiful version, requested by miss c who also has a beautiful version,and originally started by mercermachine.

I'M THAT GIRL

I'm the girl with stark black hair and a white face, a slight slouch, a height of 1.7m and commendable boobs. I'm the girl whose appearance can't decide between clueless and angry.

I'm the girl who truly believes in ghosts and more in fairies, space civilisations, alternate realities and communication between all of these and us. I'm the girl who believes that she was chosen to be a communicator.

I'm the girl who believes she was chosen to be THE communicator and who will change the universe. I'm the girl who doesn't care what she was chosen to communicate or change, but is just indescribably glad that she was chosen. I'm the girl who treasures this as her own private secret in a world where everybody knows and has opinions on everybody else. I'm the girl who has no explicable reasons for this belief, but then reasons that she's dealing with inexplicable topics.

I'm the girl who looked straight at you as she stared out into the pinpricked night sky of her solar system, at the very moment you were staring out of yours and right in her direction. I'm the girl who thought that you must look curiously like her, even though she could never have seen your face; only having your glances meet for one second as they fizzled through atmospheres and asteroids, one second before your universes turned away on their respective axes. I'm the girl who imagines that you must have known too, that someone (I) was looking back at you. I'm the girl who imagines that you thought of my face when you did so. I'm the girl who thinks that in circumstances which really aren't that different, we could have been true friends.

I'm the girl who told you my beliefs and thought she fell in love with you because you listened and shared your own. I'm the girl who didn't know what to make of it when you told her later not to live in daydreams. I'm the girl who daydreamed that you thought she was beautiful and then had that daydream come true. I'm the girl who remembers you telling her to put her arms round your waist but who would rather hold your shoulders, stiffly, like in a wooden doll's backward waltz, as your thighs clamped slick metal and the wind ran riot on your faces and eyes. I'm the girl who daydreamed all the time when that was happening, and realises that you never even knew. I'm the girl who realises that you were a daydream and that she doesn't know you at all. I'm the girl who misses you anyway,and doesn't know which version of you she misses.

I'm the girl who also abased herself in front of you, you, you, you and perhaps even you, even agreeing to go out with you and your ex, beause she thought she wanted you to love her. (None of you are my ex-boyfriend.) I'm the girl who surprisingly, doesn't really regret it, except for that one chick she said bad things about. I'm the girl who will do anything to show what she's feeling then and there, even if she knows it will be shown in parodies to friends of yous everywhere she goes. I'm the girl who will never play mind games. I'm the girl who can meet you and make corny jokes about chickens and kumquats with you now and poke your metrosexual shirts, without much of a second thought about it.

I'm the girl who can't take most white men seriously in intimate situations because they're so insubstantially coloured. I'm the one who was your Asian goodtime girl for more than a month anyway, beause she really thought she was your Chinese princess and didn't want to hurt you. I'm the girl who doesn't regret this either because as you made her wander with you through luminous dance floors, skies heavy with cloud over wrinkly sheened seas, shiny eager clusters of glass shopping malls, you made Singapore seem suddenly magical to her, and much of the magic has stuck.

I'm the girl who saw your dead body under merciless white lights and garbled and cried comically over you. I'm the girl whom you believed in and still do. I'm the girl you took aside later, whose wet face under clownish makeup you stared unblinkingly into when you told her how exceptional she was. I'm the girl whom you endlessly tried to save from mediocrity. I'm the girl who is who remembers you for much, much more than what you think you are to her now,though she's never said it and may restrict herself to strained small talk with you all her life. I'm the girl who you could give even less than now, but who would still follow you to the ends of the earth, beause she believes you truly care. I'm the girl who's never had a crush on you. I'm the girl who thinks that's how she knows you truly mean something to her.

I'm the girl who never wanted to be your friend and was never one of the girls who raved about you. I'm the girl who went clubbing with you and cried on your shoulder at the end of the night,fell asleep and woke up for supper later even though she was dieting. I'm the girl who suddenly found herself your confidant and was stressed to hell about it because she had to find the right things to say. I'm the girl who finds that everything she says is right now. I'm the girl who knows you're always going to be there,and that there isn't a fixed physical place, it's the distance to your phone or mine, or to the internet connection. It's the distance from my often breaking heart to the part of my mind that holds memories of a caring you. I'm the girl who will always be here for you, and here and there are the same place. Come here/ there soon. I'm the girl who will never say this to you in person.

I'm the girl who's so happy to have you, you and you, even though she doesnt' understand you and is sure you know that you don't understand her. I'm the girl who is happy to know that she can call you though she might not know what to say when she does, or you might not. I'm the girl who's just happy seeing you trying to make a difference with alcohol or with words or just through worrying alot. I'm the girl who's glad that she can make a difference to you sometimes as well. I'm the girl who thinks you are so beautiful,you,you and you, even though you and you have serious problems thinking so. I'm the girl who when she's with you, feels like together you can conquer the world.

I'm the girl whose nerves you got on at first,and that was a very long first. I'm the girl who suddenly found herself sharing with you and being shared with. I'm the girl who cares even though she sometimes thinks she is too busy to show it. I'm the girl who suddnely finds herself sharing your sense of humour and jokes, and strangely not much else anymore,though it was supposed to be so much more, progressively more everyday. I'm the girl who owes you so much but thinks it's less than you sometimes think and more than she realises. I'm the girl who wants to stop owing you things so that she can become the friend she was supposed to be.

I'm the girl who can't take you seriously beause you're so beautiful. I'm the girl who wants always to be there but doesn't believe she can be of use to you, beause you're so bloody beautiful. I'm the girl who thinks you never listen but forgives you beause she knows you want to but you're just a hopeless ditz. I'm the girl who was always envious of you but never jealous, beause she's accepted that you're just not from the same world. I'm the girl who sasses you anyway because your mother was considerate enough to make you a a little duh. I'm the girl who wouldn't give up on you.

I'm that girl who thnks of what you've done to the family and is tired because the consequencs will last a lifetime and last mainly on hers. I'm the girl who doesn't want to have an opinion because she can't see things in black and white. I'm the girl who wishes she could be you,not giving a fuck about the people who expect things of you,running off a fresh, beautiful stranger to rich jewel coloured islands and sitting with strange and different lovers, drinking in humid embraces below the delicious studded night sea sky while your parents' hair turned epileptically white because they didnt' know if you were alive or dead. I'm the girl who likes you despite everything. I'm the girl who wishes she could be you. I'm the girl who wishes so much sometimes that she could be you.

I'm that girl. Who are you?